April's Fool Night and 2 days after.

Busy busy busy!

April fool's night, Thursday
















Hello!!! I know, in the morning i was doing MMV and the next thing you know, im actually out at tampines SAFRA eating sakura buffet with all my female relatives on my maternal's side. Crazy or what? Hahahaha. I was so lethargic these few days because i can never get to sleep, it is affecting me badly and i am seriously pissed off and tired and depressed about the bug problem. Fuck, i know. zzz Anyway, that night, the food wasnt that awesome but it was an enjoyable night and i've always feel wonder why most(I SAID MOST, NOT ALL) of my friends are not in close contact with their cousins and relatives. Strange. I am so blessed to have this bunch of people, so blessed and i thank god for that.

Friday and Saturday i stayed home and pack up the home. Zzzz.
Friday pack until 2am. LOL the room super empty now. Got echo somemore hehehe.
and found this.

LOL FUCKING GAYYY!
Denise look like she havnt slept for ages.
I look like a bloody shit nerd with straight side parting line.. (Ok la i am. fuck ahahaha)
Edwiana looks damn nice in the photo can !!!



Off topic post.

Its not that i didnt want to do it myself, and not that i dont know how to start, but it is because i dont know where to. So many times i have tried to make things work but it always doesnt because i am not strong enough. I am not strong enough to keep telling myself to carry on every single day because no one pushed me. You say i didn't do anything at all before i seek help and feel helpless, but i know i did research and i did the best i could, but it didn't work out because i do not have the resources and i do not have the ability to. I never wanted to trouble you guys, never. Especially when seeking help/getting advice from someone you are not really close with. Maybe he would think "Why are you calling me all of a sudden just to ask me this kinda things when in the first place we dont really talk." So i didn't because i didn't want him to think that way. It took me more than a week to finally tell you i couldn't take it anymore and i thats why i seek help from you. I didn't expect you to do anything, but maybe you can advise me and ask around, after all you're older and so much more experienced and of course, closer to the others.

I know i am not a baby and i dont have to be pushed. But sometimes i always feel so pressured and i always feel that i shouldn't deserve all these responsibilities at my age but always when you guys pushed me when im feeling helpless, it somehow feels like an adrenaline shot and i always tell myself to hang on and make it work. I know i let everyone down by being such a cry baby, but sometimes i just feel so helpless and sorry and such a let down when everyone just direct everything at me and i know myself that im suppose to be because im the eldest. Perhaps i owe it to my mom last lifetime.

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