And finally, after 2 months, i broke down.

It was horrifying. Maybe death wasnt a good option either? Dreamt of daddy today. Not that he was horrifying, but the emotions i had to go through was heartbreaking to the bone. But it was him looking all frail and almost passing on. I remember hugging him and crying and asking him to hold on. He said he was tired and had to rest. I kept on begging him to stay awake. I told him. At least please spend my birthday with me. Its just a week away. Please. Instantly he widened his eyes and suddenly i woke up crying so badly, almost choking on my tears.

It been so long since i last cried...
I like time alone right after he passed on. Everything seemed different so me now. I used to concentrate on my love life a little more intense than giving time for myself. But after his death, it turns things around drastically. I broke up with my (at that time boyfriend) reason was not because i was fooling around. It was because i felt tired and i really think i should take time off this summer to actually think about alot of things. Like school and work and career. I used to go googoogaga over really good looking guys and wont hesitate to reply guy's smses. But the Diana now is entirely different. I havnt been replying to most of the people that smsed me (Mainly guys i suppose). Not that im playing MIA. But really? I think those people are mentally retarded and i am entirely not interested in contacting them. Unless of course, they had a reason to contact me like asking me about school or any important matter of that sort. (And no, i have no feelings for anyone now. Not even my ex boyfriends -.- truthfully)

We're all growing up. In different ways. I myself get lost in what i want to do in the future. After retaking O lvls, so what after that. Maybe i'll check out SIA recruiting and maybe join the air line for 2 years and exploring every country before moving on a normal life. (Which is getting married and a stable job) I will keep trying. So hard that i might wear out and im going to push myself. Every night before i sleep i will surely say. Good night daddy. Although times with him were not as happy as other normal families, he is still my father and we had great time when i was younger. Countless pictures were browsed though as i packed the boxes in my house. I really missed him dearly. I wonder why my siblings or my mother dont do so? Do i have a problem? I think im taking things too personally that its driving me crazy. I start to like going out alone, traveling alone, eating alone and i plan for alot of things in my life when i know its still a long way through.

Not that i isolate my personality, but... I dont know.

Maybe something is wrong with me.

I hope i'll fix myself soon.


I miss you daddy. I. really really do.
Im an unfillial daughter. Im sorry.



I really hope to get away from Singapore and not come back.
But its not possible. Unless i run away.
Haha - foolish.