Like the wind, i'll be strong.


Recently my heart is throbbing more than usual. It seems funny to feel this way. It seems like losing something you cared for so much, but yet not expecting to feel this way. Alot of things have been happening in my life and its hard to cope. No point lying that its an easy job. Being strong is one thing but being stressed is another. Sometimes i find myself thinking about things in the middle of my work and staring into thin air, not able to find the solution. Alot of times i was in a bad mood, a sad mood, a depressed mood, a stressed yet don't know what to do mood. And the way i vent my anger out, i do it alone. I'm caught buying stuff i do not really fancy and stuffing them down myself to make my heartache go away. Chocolates are indulged in a different manner rather than savouring every bit of it. I forced it down me. I have never really liked chocolate. And i didn't know why i had to eat it when i feel sick in the heart or ache. I just had to torture myself, maybe. Being alone was something else i choose. I will often receive messages but i do not reply them, unless they are from my cousin or my colleagues. Love is not what i want now. I do not wish to reply most of the guys. I am tired. And i wish to be alone. But some idiots just don't get what i mean by alone. Annoying as it seems, i find myself sighing more and headaches pour in as often as my heartaches.

Some of you might know that if my heart feels weird or I'm thinking of something sad or bad, my heart aches and i would try to lighten the ache by eating things i hate, example chocolates. And when i do not do anything about my heartache, i will often feel nausea and want to puke out my pain. But i have never vomited before. I'm just saying i would FEEL like it whenever i am in pain. So...i most probably want to puke all the time...

Besides my mind stressing out. My body is wearing out. Bit by bit and i can feel it. It feels so weak like as though i could break down any moment... Why. i often ask myself. I thought I'm not the weak girl i despise. Maybe i would just start to hate myself and slowly eliminating my mind, with my heart. Sometimes certain songs play in my MP3 and memories will start falling in my head. Did i not make an impression, i often ask myself. Maybe I'm not good enough.

Still thinking of which course to choose. I suddenly decided on something. I want to do animation, i want to do IT. I want it to be my creation. And meanwhile. i am writing an autobiography. Nothing interesting, but at least that was what i wanted. Since i was young. And I'm going to make it happen.

Just wait.

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