Im back on track.
Really outdated pictures from the Sentosa outing...
Avril's birthday...
Long long ago.(?)
Just when you know things were getting better, you lost everything all of a sudden.
Hola. - blog readers, friends, families and of course, my faithful haters.
For the past few days i was caught up with home accounts, bills to settle, and so much more load now on my back. It was then i started to realize that i was the one that took over my dad's responsibility. Not my mom. Some may be surprised at why. But the answer is pretty straight forward. Because she cant and she wont. So its me. He willed his stress and status to me. How delightful(?) As the eldest among the 3 of the kids in the household, it is my sole responsibility that nothing goes wrong with my siblings and they, of course, will get to continue whatever they were doing. It was me that was having doubts about my capability in balancing earning money and working hard in school. And my worries about my part time job's salary not being able to handle the load is massive. My mom is being helpful for not being helpful at all. So it doesn't make a difference if she's there or not, mentally. Of course, my friends were being helpful on encouraging me and i felt like as though i would disappoint the whole world if i didn't do a good job as a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend, a cousin, a niece and of course, a parent(?) I must make sure i strive the best and so my siblings would follow suit. I ask myself if i regretted not being nicer to my dad. My answer was no. Not because i don't love him. Its because i don't want to live my life regretting. I dearly miss him, this i must confess. But on a second thought, maybe leaving was the best option for him? It's a very complicated situation only me and my family members understand.
All i know, was that he was waiting for us.
Waiting to hear our voice one last time.
Before he was willing to go.
All at once...
Avril's birthday...
Long long ago.(?)
Just when you know things were getting better, you lost everything all of a sudden.
Hola. - blog readers, friends, families and of course, my faithful haters.
For the past few days i was caught up with home accounts, bills to settle, and so much more load now on my back. It was then i started to realize that i was the one that took over my dad's responsibility. Not my mom. Some may be surprised at why. But the answer is pretty straight forward. Because she cant and she wont. So its me. He willed his stress and status to me. How delightful(?) As the eldest among the 3 of the kids in the household, it is my sole responsibility that nothing goes wrong with my siblings and they, of course, will get to continue whatever they were doing. It was me that was having doubts about my capability in balancing earning money and working hard in school. And my worries about my part time job's salary not being able to handle the load is massive. My mom is being helpful for not being helpful at all. So it doesn't make a difference if she's there or not, mentally. Of course, my friends were being helpful on encouraging me and i felt like as though i would disappoint the whole world if i didn't do a good job as a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend, a cousin, a niece and of course, a parent(?) I must make sure i strive the best and so my siblings would follow suit. I ask myself if i regretted not being nicer to my dad. My answer was no. Not because i don't love him. Its because i don't want to live my life regretting. I dearly miss him, this i must confess. But on a second thought, maybe leaving was the best option for him? It's a very complicated situation only me and my family members understand.
All i know, was that he was waiting for us.
Waiting to hear our voice one last time.
Before he was willing to go.
All at once...
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