I dont know...
Its been ages since i had a good thought about life and finally after all the crazy incidents that happened i just helplessly feel like sitting down and giving myself some time alone while racking my brains on what i was expecting in my near future or for the present. Alot of times i keep telling "S" i want to just disappear away from Singapore and go to somewhere with all the greenery and peace with sheeps and goats running across the rich and bright field and there i will be lying on the grounds of the piercing grass blades that doesn't seem to hurt a bit and breathe so steadily with my eyes close and my brain would hopefully stop working by then with all the good things staying in my head until i realize I'm still at this place, this island where we called home, i will never relinquish my fears.
It was a joy to work and meet new people in the society and realize how realistic and practical life outside us would be and i had only met the small part of it. I often hear stories about people literally murdering each other in all aspects of a working career and how often the one that was not to be blamed made the scapegoat and this goes on and on until human extinction takes place and animals dominates the world, doubt that will ever happen in my life time, at least for the next 70 years I'm quite sure. The experiences my colleagues shared were amazing yet unbelievable. How critical life could be without care and protection which all leads to death or unexpected surprises one after another and i certainly affirmed myself that i could not handle the blows or the drama that i imagined them going though. I was lucky, or at least now i felt that i was. I felt empathetic at times about their past but ironically i should be doing something about my life since its NO better anyway or rather. Its like a prey feeling sorry for its predator, joke.
As i know I'm not the studious type which also meant i had to really study and concentrate in class for i do not do any extra practice myself at home neither at work which leads to a disadvantage for my upcoming exams. I really urge myself to wake up on time for school often but the previous day i am usually working and by the time i get home time would have ticked past 12. Finally i get to use this line "So much to do, So little time" Oh haha. Friends were being great in school and everyone is nice to everyone so much so they get too into themselves and didn't realize they are hurting another, seems so complicated but I'm not really talking about myself. So many misconceptions going on and people are hating one another and commenting about each other's fashion statement which was a little more stressful rather back then in secondary school where everyone looked and smell the same. I could consider myself really lucky to have own so many clothes i can wear different sets for more than a month, but others who are not so fortunate gets picked on and i think its really sad? But there's nothing i could do but listen.
The tiny issue that turns out to be actually a huge problem is that friends misunderstand each other in a way where they start talking about each other and boom, friends forever, not. I care, just not as much anymore to this certain case I'm dealing with because it gets so out of hand and misunderstandings pile up on one another till it was stacked so high it up lost it's balance and fell right down in the middle of both of us and we can no longer see each other cause of the barriers in between. I really want to tell the person i still love him and i am willing to continue the friendship because I'm already 18 and i treasure relationships as much as i love myself. I cannot just be self centered and then go all the way to what i want and not think about how the others felt. But i don't know which machine could clear up all the barriers that is blocking our way and i wonder if he is willing to too, as i heard he is going around telling tales about me when whatever he knows were all assumed instead of founded. We are meant to be siblings arnt we? I thought siblings only fight overnight and get back to normal the next morning? I don't know.
After all my heart felt talk i had in this shitty blogger post, i found out that i was troubled about my life rather then giving a shit about being single or double. I finally realize I'm free from all the love issues and safely say that i had untangled myself from the easiest cause of heartbreak because i just found out something.
I was never really in love.
It was a joy to work and meet new people in the society and realize how realistic and practical life outside us would be and i had only met the small part of it. I often hear stories about people literally murdering each other in all aspects of a working career and how often the one that was not to be blamed made the scapegoat and this goes on and on until human extinction takes place and animals dominates the world, doubt that will ever happen in my life time, at least for the next 70 years I'm quite sure. The experiences my colleagues shared were amazing yet unbelievable. How critical life could be without care and protection which all leads to death or unexpected surprises one after another and i certainly affirmed myself that i could not handle the blows or the drama that i imagined them going though. I was lucky, or at least now i felt that i was. I felt empathetic at times about their past but ironically i should be doing something about my life since its NO better anyway or rather. Its like a prey feeling sorry for its predator, joke.
As i know I'm not the studious type which also meant i had to really study and concentrate in class for i do not do any extra practice myself at home neither at work which leads to a disadvantage for my upcoming exams. I really urge myself to wake up on time for school often but the previous day i am usually working and by the time i get home time would have ticked past 12. Finally i get to use this line "So much to do, So little time" Oh haha. Friends were being great in school and everyone is nice to everyone so much so they get too into themselves and didn't realize they are hurting another, seems so complicated but I'm not really talking about myself. So many misconceptions going on and people are hating one another and commenting about each other's fashion statement which was a little more stressful rather back then in secondary school where everyone looked and smell the same. I could consider myself really lucky to have own so many clothes i can wear different sets for more than a month, but others who are not so fortunate gets picked on and i think its really sad? But there's nothing i could do but listen.
The tiny issue that turns out to be actually a huge problem is that friends misunderstand each other in a way where they start talking about each other and boom, friends forever, not. I care, just not as much anymore to this certain case I'm dealing with because it gets so out of hand and misunderstandings pile up on one another till it was stacked so high it up lost it's balance and fell right down in the middle of both of us and we can no longer see each other cause of the barriers in between. I really want to tell the person i still love him and i am willing to continue the friendship because I'm already 18 and i treasure relationships as much as i love myself. I cannot just be self centered and then go all the way to what i want and not think about how the others felt. But i don't know which machine could clear up all the barriers that is blocking our way and i wonder if he is willing to too, as i heard he is going around telling tales about me when whatever he knows were all assumed instead of founded. We are meant to be siblings arnt we? I thought siblings only fight overnight and get back to normal the next morning? I don't know.
After all my heart felt talk i had in this shitty blogger post, i found out that i was troubled about my life rather then giving a shit about being single or double. I finally realize I'm free from all the love issues and safely say that i had untangled myself from the easiest cause of heartbreak because i just found out something.
I was never really in love.
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